| Coming of Age ~ A Letter to my Daughter |
There is a lot of living, and love, ahead of you - be patient - be picky - be careful.
Judge not the words of future lovers - judge only their actions. Look for
consistency in their words, honor in their actions and above all forgiveness in their
heart.
Words have much power my daughter. They can magically twist the world into a
lovely feeling during a sexually heated moment between two young people. Words
can cause one to cast aside the caution you carry in your heart, which was placed
there by the ones who love you no matter what you do or wish to become – your
parents.
I know discovery is upon you. Exercise of freewill is growing inside you, as is
yearning to answer the physical feelings deep inside, that are crying to release
themselves. More than anything your desires to “physically feel” what you have
experienced with two loving parents through your life, seeks greater
understanding. Your mother and I love each other, almost as much as we love you
my sweet. Nothing would prevent us from giving any part of ourselves, or even our
lives to protect you from harm or pain. Such is the sacrifice that is called, “absolute
parental love.”
Love is the most beautiful feeling we possess as humans - it is also the most hurtful
– and most forgiving emotion you will ever encounter. But I, as your father, feel
from my love for you that I must caution you of vulnerabilities youth suffer when
the teenage years arrive. Your eyes have already seen young men… viral young
men. Their eyes have already seen a young woman… a beautiful young woman,
and all this is nature’s driving and instinctual way. The mere touch of a hand, smile
on a face, even a passing glance toward you can conjure in you desires that flood
your mind and heart. It is in you, inside deep within you my darling, to control these
feelings.
I am not telling you to ignore feelings of desire – what I am telling you is to control
your feelings of desire. Love is so much more than the physical joining of two
people. In any given moment, sexual encounters are joyful – but they are not
necessarily filled with love. When your mother and I enjoy these pleasures – the is
so much more between us than the mere physical act itself. I desire no other in this
manner, and I know she feels the same way – for she has told me so. I know this to
be true – because she loves me and I “trust” her love and the motivations behind
her words. She has “proven” her love for me.
It is perhaps the most difficult feeling to explain to a child who does not know
because they have not had the experience to understand. Yet you will soon desire
to encounter this experience and feel the marvel of love making for yourself. Truly
my daughter, it is a marvelous feeling, but it is also empty when “true love” does
not exist between the two who join. Speaking the words, “I love you”, does not
make the words real. This is why your must be careful in taking such a step. If you
consider to do so you must be sure the one you pick truly has love for you.
Knowing they love you is not determined in a few meetings over a short period of
time. If they really love you, they will have patience in their heart and not pressure
in their words for you to acquiesce unto them. Doing so with the wrong young man,
could leave you filled with empty feelings – and once lost, the beauty of your first
time is gone forever. So my daughter above all, be cautious, give consideration and
serious thought before you give into your desires.
If you take “that” first step I strongly recommend you hold in your heart the
following:
1. Humor – as serious as this step is it is also cumbersome at best. There is
nervousness and certainly mistakes will be made. Fumbling fingers, crashing faces,
opposite movements of the body – all of which can cause difficult moments which
should be met with humor. The nuances of love making between two is learned –
not automatically known.
2. Gentleness – just as a woman desires a gentle hand at these moments, it is also
important for “her” touch to be gentle and reassuring to him. He is no less scared
than you, and no less excited either.
3. Patience – This is not a race to the finish – especially for a woman. Careful
exploration is important for both – but especially for a woman. If he is in a hurry
slow him down with a gentle touch, calm him with caressing words of what you are
feeling, guide him softly (and you will find a way to do so) with your hands, your
eyes and your heart. This is a joyful time between two – so a fast result is not
conducive to a good result.
4. Caress – especially afterward. There is no greater feeling I know than the touch
of our bodies together between your mother and I --- after. It is like the chorus to
your favorite song which you keep hearing even after the song has ended.
Beautiful these moments are and beautiful I wish them to be for you as well.
5. Timing – I am not sure I ever knew when my first time was the right time. For
me it was several years older than you are now. So even though your feelings
abound, it is not necessary for you to answer them anytime soon. I offer these
thoughts to you because WE love you even more than ourselves. We desire your
happiness and above all we hope that when you take your first step into the
wonderful world of love in all dimensions – it will result in a memory you will
cherish for the rest of your life.
6. Regrets – are common among us all. Even after your first encounter, it is
possible there may not be another encounter with the same person. I would pray
this would not be the case, but it is possible. However, if you are careful in your
considerations of all of the above, I believe in time you will look back and have few
if any regrets.
7. Wishes – mine are that perhaps it will be on your wedding night with the man you
have chosen to marry. It was for your mother – it was not for me… and I do have
regrets for that, even to this day and especially this moment.
DWHolmes (copyright 2005)
Judge not the words of future lovers - judge only their actions. Look for
consistency in their words, honor in their actions and above all forgiveness in their
heart.
Words have much power my daughter. They can magically twist the world into a
lovely feeling during a sexually heated moment between two young people. Words
can cause one to cast aside the caution you carry in your heart, which was placed
there by the ones who love you no matter what you do or wish to become – your
parents.
I know discovery is upon you. Exercise of freewill is growing inside you, as is
yearning to answer the physical feelings deep inside, that are crying to release
themselves. More than anything your desires to “physically feel” what you have
experienced with two loving parents through your life, seeks greater
understanding. Your mother and I love each other, almost as much as we love you
my sweet. Nothing would prevent us from giving any part of ourselves, or even our
lives to protect you from harm or pain. Such is the sacrifice that is called, “absolute
parental love.”
Love is the most beautiful feeling we possess as humans - it is also the most hurtful
– and most forgiving emotion you will ever encounter. But I, as your father, feel
from my love for you that I must caution you of vulnerabilities youth suffer when
the teenage years arrive. Your eyes have already seen young men… viral young
men. Their eyes have already seen a young woman… a beautiful young woman,
and all this is nature’s driving and instinctual way. The mere touch of a hand, smile
on a face, even a passing glance toward you can conjure in you desires that flood
your mind and heart. It is in you, inside deep within you my darling, to control these
feelings.
I am not telling you to ignore feelings of desire – what I am telling you is to control
your feelings of desire. Love is so much more than the physical joining of two
people. In any given moment, sexual encounters are joyful – but they are not
necessarily filled with love. When your mother and I enjoy these pleasures – the is
so much more between us than the mere physical act itself. I desire no other in this
manner, and I know she feels the same way – for she has told me so. I know this to
be true – because she loves me and I “trust” her love and the motivations behind
her words. She has “proven” her love for me.
It is perhaps the most difficult feeling to explain to a child who does not know
because they have not had the experience to understand. Yet you will soon desire
to encounter this experience and feel the marvel of love making for yourself. Truly
my daughter, it is a marvelous feeling, but it is also empty when “true love” does
not exist between the two who join. Speaking the words, “I love you”, does not
make the words real. This is why your must be careful in taking such a step. If you
consider to do so you must be sure the one you pick truly has love for you.
Knowing they love you is not determined in a few meetings over a short period of
time. If they really love you, they will have patience in their heart and not pressure
in their words for you to acquiesce unto them. Doing so with the wrong young man,
could leave you filled with empty feelings – and once lost, the beauty of your first
time is gone forever. So my daughter above all, be cautious, give consideration and
serious thought before you give into your desires.
If you take “that” first step I strongly recommend you hold in your heart the
following:
1. Humor – as serious as this step is it is also cumbersome at best. There is
nervousness and certainly mistakes will be made. Fumbling fingers, crashing faces,
opposite movements of the body – all of which can cause difficult moments which
should be met with humor. The nuances of love making between two is learned –
not automatically known.
2. Gentleness – just as a woman desires a gentle hand at these moments, it is also
important for “her” touch to be gentle and reassuring to him. He is no less scared
than you, and no less excited either.
3. Patience – This is not a race to the finish – especially for a woman. Careful
exploration is important for both – but especially for a woman. If he is in a hurry
slow him down with a gentle touch, calm him with caressing words of what you are
feeling, guide him softly (and you will find a way to do so) with your hands, your
eyes and your heart. This is a joyful time between two – so a fast result is not
conducive to a good result.
4. Caress – especially afterward. There is no greater feeling I know than the touch
of our bodies together between your mother and I --- after. It is like the chorus to
your favorite song which you keep hearing even after the song has ended.
Beautiful these moments are and beautiful I wish them to be for you as well.
5. Timing – I am not sure I ever knew when my first time was the right time. For
me it was several years older than you are now. So even though your feelings
abound, it is not necessary for you to answer them anytime soon. I offer these
thoughts to you because WE love you even more than ourselves. We desire your
happiness and above all we hope that when you take your first step into the
wonderful world of love in all dimensions – it will result in a memory you will
cherish for the rest of your life.
6. Regrets – are common among us all. Even after your first encounter, it is
possible there may not be another encounter with the same person. I would pray
this would not be the case, but it is possible. However, if you are careful in your
considerations of all of the above, I believe in time you will look back and have few
if any regrets.
7. Wishes – mine are that perhaps it will be on your wedding night with the man you
have chosen to marry. It was for your mother – it was not for me… and I do have
regrets for that, even to this day and especially this moment.
DWHolmes (copyright 2005)
